Four Reasons Why You Are Probably Still Single By Vsix Ejechi

Still in the spirit of valentine or better still, the aftermath of February 14th, I must admit that the pressure that we find ourselves in our society and even in churches today kind of makes you feel uncomfortable if you are single and unmarried. This has really becoming an issue worthy to be discuss.

As a matter of fact, as soon as you turn 25 or 27 years old, people around starts to question you, wanting to know why you are still single. Your parents also probably starts having expectations “have you found anyone yet?” “When are you bring him or her home?” “Where is he or she from?” Questions everywhere just to make you feel it’s abnormal to be single. Some even question your sexuality, “are you sure you are not a gay?”

I need to quickly add here, being single is not a curse and it will never be a curse, it is only a stage that you have to pass through before you get married, so don’t let anyone makes you feel stupid for being single, and don’t entertain any pressure from anybody, either from your church ,friends or your parents.
Being single is not a sin against God. I understand a lot of people have defined singleness in different ways. I will treat that probably in another post. But today let’s focus on the topic at hand. Also the life of God in us should be progressive in all ramifications even in our relationship

Now, it’s not also a crime for you to desire marriage. For you to desire to get married is not a bad thing, in fact the bible pointed out in Genesis 2:23-24, God is the one that institute marriage by the creation of Eve as a help meet to Adam, so it is practically not a bad thing to be married as well.
The irony of it all is that, some single people who desired to be married are the cause of their being single. What do I mean?
Many singles attends almost all weddings that they were invited to (sometimes, even the ones they did not invite them), hoping and praying to find their “better-half” but directly or indirectly they are chasing their “better-half” away. So I want you to ask yourself really, WHY AM I STILL SINGLE? Are you single because you want to be single, or you are single because you feel there is no better man out for you?
I will share just FOUR possible reasons why you are still single, this reasons are being reflected indirectly without you knowing sometimes.

YOU ARE SINGLE BUT NOT AVAILABLE
This is a vital reason why a lot of people who desire marriage are probably still single. They have attended a lot of single summit, had prayers and fasting sessions with their pastors, but are yet single because they are not available in the “single market” (since there is a job market, I felt there should be a single market)
Being available deals with a lot of things, first of all, your mindset. Your mindset about the opposite sex and marriage must change, the “funny” perceptions you have about guys or ladies needs to change if you must be available.

A lot of ladies had probably prayed and fasted to get married, but in their mind, they don’t believe there is such a thing as a “good man”, they think all men are the same, perhaps based on their past relationship that didn’t meet up to their expectations, or what other people had experienced and tell them about guys. It’s absolutely wrong to have such mindset, most especially if you are a Christian.

The disadvantage of this mindset is that even if the “Mr. Good man” should shows up, you will chase him away with the mindset that he is just like every other guys you probably must have had. So change your mind set in regard to how you view the opposite sex if you must be available.
Another way to be available is, letting go of the past hurt. I understand and know what it means to be in a relationship with a guy or lady you trusted and have put a lot of effort to make it work, yet the relationship hit the rock (breaks up). I know that feeling of depression, frustrations and even low self-esteem, you probably must have gone through, but friends, you must forgive and let God heal you so that you can let go, because if you don’t let go it’s going to have an effect on the next relationship you are going into, you will be thinking you are single and desire marriage but strongly you are driving away guys from you because you are not available.

The solution to a relationship that breaks-up is not going into another relationship, at least not immediately, it’s by getting wisdom and asking yourself some vital questions that probably lead to the break-up, if not, the same thing that happened in your past relationship might just take place in the present.
Therefore change your mind-set about relationship, let it be based on God’s word and what the word says, and also let go of the past hurt for God to heal you completely, if you must be available.

YOU ARE SINGLE BUT NOT ACCESSIBLE
Some persons are heavily available, they have the right mindset toward relationship and they have probably let go of their past hurt, or perhaps they don’t even have any past hurt, but they are not just accessible. You can’t meet them, they are not accessible, and they are unreachable.
You cannot say you desire to be married and you hide yourself inside the house directly or indirectly, waiting for the guy to come locate you in the house. Some single people every day routine is, from house to work, from work to house, immediately they close from there place of work they are in the cab or their car running home, to do what exactly? And maybe, they attend church on Sunday, immediately the service closes they are on their way home.

A story was told of a lady of about 26 years old that is obviously ready for marriage. She worked in a very good telecommunication firm in Nigeria and her father is a senior staff in the same company. Her father monitors her steps with her male colleague making sure she doesn’t socialized, all in the name of protecting her from bad guys. Her father is the one to drop her at work and also pick her back home, even in church services, her father will wait for her to finish up and drop her at home (because she is the only child).
The annoying thing is that, she is not yet seeing it as an issue, guys rarely come to her because they are afraid of her father. She is not accessible since no opportunity for guys to even say hi or hello. And it’s very dis-hearten.
Get a social life, attend events. Take yourself to see a movie, make yourself accessible. If you are a member of a church (which you are supposed to be), join a department; be committed, get to meet people and make new friends.
Try by all means to make yourself accessible.
But remember, if you make yourself accessible in a night club, you might get a drunk as a friend. So where you go matters.

SINGLE BUT NOT APPROACHABLE.
Yes! You are available, and even accessible but are you APPROACHABLE? Huh?  You go out each day to make yourself accessible, still nobody can approach you because you are not just approachable, you are rude and maybe full of pride, your facial expression and sometimes the way you reply people just drive them away.
What stops you from wearing a smile?
For the ladies, some guys might even gather a lot of courage to talk to you, but the way and manner you reply just kill any interest they have for you.
In proverbs 18:24 talks about “he who wants a friend must show himself friendly”.
Therefore my dear singles, are you ready to have a friend? Simple! Be approachable, be friendly. Check your face, your manners and also the way you dress.
Sometimes is your dressing that makes people run away from you. Dress the way you want to be address. You can imagine a single guy sagging there trouser and he is saying he want to marry or a lady dressing provocatively saying he wants to marry. You are probably still single because you are not approachable.

SINGLE BUT NOT ABLE
Lastly, for some singles, guys most especially, you might be available, accessible, and even approachable but they are not ABLE. By being able here I mean, capacity, have you built capacity? Huh?
The America’s leading and most trusted provider of language information, The Merriam-Webster dictionary define capacity as ‘the ability to do something, a mental, emotional, or physical ability” permit me to add also spiritual ability.
Some single haven’t built enough capacity (that’s if they have built any capacity at all) that might usher them into their desire of getting married. It will be wise to also say if able connote capacity then capacity might connote maturity. Are you mature enough to meet the demands of marriage?
Marriage for what I know is demanding and it’s not a child’s play, its takes singles who are ABLE to get married.
For the single guys ask yourself; can you pay school fee for kids? Can you pay house rent? Can you put food on the table? Are you sure you should be thinking of marriage now or just focus on building capacity for yourself while you still make yourself available, accessible and approachable?
For the single ladies: are you ready to be submissive to any man? Are you sure you can handle the demands of your husband? Don’t you think you should build capacity also?
Think about it friends, to have a good marriage takes a lot of maturity. Emotional maturity, financial maturity, mental maturity. Spiritual maturity etc. it’s not for babies. The sad thing is that, maturity doesn’t necessarily equals age (Job 32:1-9).
Enjoy your being single, is not a sin and not a curse, don’t let people put pressure on you, and if you must marry, make sure you are available, accessible, approachable and lastly be able.